November 21, 2013

Letters of the Past - Do

"Do, My letter to you."
    *** To be completely clear, I have made sure that their names were best kept out of this and give them completely new names. It is out of respect of these ladies. With that being said, Do... this letter goes out to you. ***

I've made great progress from the time that I met you to this point in my life. When I met you I really had no real clue what I was doing or even wanted. In some right you were the same. I couldn't tell you why my heart  beat heavy for you then, it was just something about you I just wanted to be apart of. As weird as it may wasn't sexual. It may of came off like that in the beginning, but honestly I looked at you like you were going to be good for me in my life. Little did I know you would end up being the start of a much needed change to what made me into the young man I am today.

No amount of words can thank you for what you have done for me. No amount of tears can show you how much I loved you at the same time. I will admit back then.. I was foolish, I didn't know what I had. Instead...I had to literally watch you be in the hands of another man. It didn't really set in until it all went down. We both know the story, no need to go down the road again. I was filled with emotions I didn't even know I had.. and even when I tried to share them with you, the damage was already done.

For the next 6 months, I begged and pleaded with God for you to come back. I couldn't really eat, didn't do much apart from moping about how you weren't around... and that it was my fault. Sure, we had our casual encounters... but it was always at ends whenever we came to talk to one another. I remember a time I just wish you'd hit me for all that I did. I thought it was a beating I deserved. I digress, you had no idea how hard I was taking it... and in retrospect... I don't blame you either.

However, despite how grim it may sound I am glad that I was able to go through the experience. I've become much stronger emotionally, mentally, and even physically (in a sense). I used our history as a catalyst  to help others who were going through similar issues. Some knew of you, others didn't.. but I did try my best to keep your name out of it. It was because of what happened that I had another story to tell. One that benefited quite a few people who could find relations within to help solve their own issues in their relationships.

I hope for the day I can show you this in confidence so that you understand that I've grown. we may talk from time to time, but I just wanted to share that you are what started it all. You were the beginning of what made me what I am today (it's a good thing I promise). For that I offer my deepest gratitude. I hope for a genuine conversation from back in the day, like how it used to be before we parted ways. #Untilthen

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